Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stich me together
Save me
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn
James Hetfield
As I sit in this coffee shop that has been a witness to innumerable nights and evenings spent in solace, I look around.
I look at a couple, a group of friends from college or are they from school. I look at another couple, lost in each other. A group of old men, playing chess. The more I look around, the more I feel alien. Alien not to these people. To this city. Or to this coffee shop. I feel alien to myself or rather to my own world that I live in.
I feel alien to the loud burst of laughter. The couple that is kissing in the corner. To the tears that the girl on the next table is wiping away. To the music being played. Latin is it? I wonder!
Am I alien because I don’t share a table with another soul or rather another body, unlike everyone around me. Am I alien because I am not smiling, kissing, talking, crying, doing something that assures me I’m human. I’m one of them.
No! My disassociation is not because of others but myself. I lack something. Satisfaction. The people around me are superior. Far greater than I can ever be. Those soft giggles, shy smiles and loud arguments are so full. Full of life. Of satisfaction. I am hollow.
I am unsatisfied, don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I don’t want to either, I might say. But I know I’m searching why can’t I sit at peace for long? Why do I always play with my toes, my fingers, this pen, anything that I can lay my hands on. Why this restlessness?
Money, isn’t it. It never was, never will be.
Fear? Asks a voice in my head. Fear of what? I’m not scared, no, I’m not. Why should I be scared?
Guilty? Of what? The scarred past or an uncertain future?
Or is it a fire? Burning bright and flames getting higher. Fire to do something good, something great. Atleast something.
I’ve spent those precious busy seconds pondering, hours and days trying to look inside myself. Introspecting. What is it that causes this restlessness in me?
Today, I think I’ve found the answer or atleast I got as close as I can, to the answer.
Guilt, fear, fire, desire, nothing explains it. No poetry, essays or introspective verbal diarrhea can explain this restlessness like this simple sentence.
I am finally satisfied with my answer, the reason of this restlessness.
“Overdose of caffeine and Nicotine is it!!”
:p
You don’t really have to have an IQ of 200 to know that I don’t exactly love this city. The winters were good, minus the people ofcourse! Then there were some showers and it was still bearable!
But since past few days, the legendary tandoor of Delhi has come to life. This city is like a tandoor now!! It’s dry, it’s dusty and it’s fuckin hot! It’s like you’re living on fuckin planet Mercury! Yesterday afternoon when we were walking around CP we were all leaving a trail of water behind us like one of those water tankers that are leaking. You just stand in the shade for 2 minutes and you start sweating like a water dispenser!
Suddenly all the scare and hype about Global warming makes sense! Its heating up like a fuckin frying pan!!
Doomsday is here!! We’re all gonna fry to death!!
I’m not tryin to put down no big cities
But the things they write about us is just a bore
Well you can take a boy out of ol dixieland
But youll never take ol dixie from a boy
And lord I cant make any changes
All I can do is write em in a song
I can see the concrete slowly creepin
Lord take me and mine before that comes
cause I can see the concrete slowly creepin
Lord take me and mine before that comes.
- Lynyrd Skynyrd
